Welcome, Emily

Emily's birth story...

Friday, February 16th was my last checkup with my doctor. I went alone because Ryan had to work. They checked my blood pressure, and it was still a little high as usual, but this time my doctor told me they found protein in my urine. Both of these things are indicators of preeclampsia, and he told me to go ahead over to the hospital for induction. I don't think I really believed or understood what that meant at first, but it was all I could do to make it to the car without crying! I called Ryan, and my mom, and drove over to the hospital (right across the street). By the time they got there, I was excited, but still a little scared.

The whole process lasted 13 hours, from the time I got into my room to the time the baby was born. It didn't seem like that long, probably because I wasn't just waiting around impatiently. Once they got the Pitocin going, I was having painful, but bearable, contractions. I wanted to stick it out for as long as I could, still considering not having any pain medications. I talked with Ryan and my mom about getting the epidural, and by the time I decided that was what I wanted, the contractions got really bad. Thank God for pain medicine! The epidural was great, and not nearly as scary getting put in as I thought it would be. (No, I didn't see the needle)

Well, even after about 5 hours, I never dilated more than 3 cm. They decided to take me off the Pitocin and proceed with a C-section. This is when I got really scared and emotional. I know this is probably really irrational, but I kept feeling like something was wrong with me. I felt like I should be able to have a baby naturally, and I felt kind of like a failure. I wasn't really worried about the baby, there wasn't anything to worry about. But a C-section was the one thing I feared, and didn't want, and now that was where I was headed. I am so thankful for my husband. He sat with me and let me cry and talk it out, and made me feel so much better about it.

They wheeled me into the operating room about midnight. They made Ryan wait outside, and this is when I got really nervous, and cold. I remember shaking so hard, and I couldn't figure out if it was my nerves or the temperature of the room. I remember trying so hard not to cry. The doctor wasn't there yet, and they we prepping me for the surgery. The anesthesiologist was giving me medicine and then scratching different parts of my belly and chest to see what I could and couldn't feel. I was nervous because I could feel everything, and I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be numb yet or not. Then he gave me something and told me that I would probably feel very dizzy, and to close my eyes if I did.

That is really the last thing I remember coherently. Then I went into this state, where I didn't really even feel like a person (it was the worst, and I hated it)... I felt like I was just trying to grasp onto something tangible, but couldn't connect with reality. I didn't know the doctor had come in, and I didn't know Ryan was there. The first thing I remember really connecting with reality-wise, was the baby crying. Everything, though, was very blurred, all the sights and sounds were very distant. Then I heard Ryan tell me I was doing such a good job, and I saw him kiss me on the forehead. I started trying to ask questions, and I was calling out Emily's name. I remember Ryan trying to show her to me, but I couldn't see. I kissed her on the forehead. Then as they were wheeling me out of the room, I started to come back, but I still could not visually focus on anything. It was so weird, and I remember that I just kept on saying that.

Well, my mom met us back in the room after that, and she and her husband and Ryan all went down to the nursery to look at her. They were trying to get her temperature up, and they told me that they would be bringing her to me around 3:30. She was born at 12:31 and I never really saw her. Looking back, I am kind of surprised at how well I handled that separation. Maybe it was the drugs...They finally brought her in around 3:45, and I got to see my beautiful baby girl for the first time.

It wasn't weird. In fact, the strange thing was how natural all this has been. I feel like I was made for this. And I am not saying that I know everything or that I do everything right. In fact, I have made a bunch of mistakes already in just these first few weeks of her life. I just feel like being a mom is my calling. Now I just need to lean on and trust in God for the wisdom and the strength to carry this through.

I love my darling Emily.