Pinch Me

Today was Emily's 1 month birthday. It was also St. Patty's day, which was a neat tribute to her Irish-ness. This first month has been adventuresome, stressful, exciting, fulfilling, and so much more. I thought I would take this opportunity to shower you with pictures, and fill you in on all that has been going on this month.

All Smiles

Well, Emily lost a pound in the hospital, which I think they said was 11% of her body weight. I wasn't too worried about it, because I knew that all babies lost weight at first. The troublesome thing about it was that she had a very hard time gaining it back. We had to take her to the pediatrician for weight checks every 2-3 days, and I think we went 6 time int he first two weeks. We had a difficult time figuring out what the problem was. I went to see a lactation consultant, and we discovered that Emily was not latching on correctly. I immediately decided to start pumping and bottle-feeding breast milk, so that she could gain weight, and we could revisit the latching issues when she was stronger. This helped her a lot, and I discovered how difficult breastfeeding really is.

Then, she got thrush. I guess it could be worse, I don't think it has really caused her any pain, but we have had to give her medicine after each feeding. We are on her 4th bottle of the stuff, and the thrush is not gone. I think the more disappointing thing about the issue is that I can't really try breastfeeding again until it is gone. Well, I guess I can, but it is likely that I would get thrush myself, and I don't really want to add that kind of pain to the whole breastfeeding fiasco. I really can't wait to be able to try it again, it is one of the most amazing things.

Favorite Boppy Poses

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She also got a cold at right around 2 weeks old. I think she got it from Ryan, who was sick in the hospital, and that was a little rough on us as well. I am actually kind of amazed at how well I handled the whole thing; I didn't really freak out at all. I called the nurse and we did all the things she told us to, cleaning out her nose with saline and the aspirator, using a cool mist humidifier, propping her mattress at an angle, small doses of infant Tylenol...and after at least a week, it went away. It really broke my heart to hear her cough the way she did, and to know she was in pain, but I am just so thankful that she didn't get a fever, and that she is all better now.

Well, those are the big updates for her first month. Her umbilical cord stump is still attached, and we are very annoyed with it! Praying that it falls off soon...Also, we just got her dresser in, 2 days ago! Now we have to figure out how to put it together, and I can finally put away her clothes and clean up her nursery. Can't wait!

Today we went to Build-A-Bear. Ryan gave me a gift certificate for my birthday, because he knew I had kind of always wanted to do one, and now was the perfect time. I made a guardian angel bear for Emily, and named her, what else, Angel. I decided that for her monthly photos, I would take a picture of her next to the bear, so you could really see how much she has grown. I think the first pictures came out much much better than I could have ever imagined!

The Most Beautiful Baby in the World

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Happy 1 Month, Emily!

Welcome, Emily

Emily's birth story...

Friday, February 16th was my last checkup with my doctor. I went alone because Ryan had to work. They checked my blood pressure, and it was still a little high as usual, but this time my doctor told me they found protein in my urine. Both of these things are indicators of preeclampsia, and he told me to go ahead over to the hospital for induction. I don't think I really believed or understood what that meant at first, but it was all I could do to make it to the car without crying! I called Ryan, and my mom, and drove over to the hospital (right across the street). By the time they got there, I was excited, but still a little scared.

The whole process lasted 13 hours, from the time I got into my room to the time the baby was born. It didn't seem like that long, probably because I wasn't just waiting around impatiently. Once they got the Pitocin going, I was having painful, but bearable, contractions. I wanted to stick it out for as long as I could, still considering not having any pain medications. I talked with Ryan and my mom about getting the epidural, and by the time I decided that was what I wanted, the contractions got really bad. Thank God for pain medicine! The epidural was great, and not nearly as scary getting put in as I thought it would be. (No, I didn't see the needle)

Well, even after about 5 hours, I never dilated more than 3 cm. They decided to take me off the Pitocin and proceed with a C-section. This is when I got really scared and emotional. I know this is probably really irrational, but I kept feeling like something was wrong with me. I felt like I should be able to have a baby naturally, and I felt kind of like a failure. I wasn't really worried about the baby, there wasn't anything to worry about. But a C-section was the one thing I feared, and didn't want, and now that was where I was headed. I am so thankful for my husband. He sat with me and let me cry and talk it out, and made me feel so much better about it.

They wheeled me into the operating room about midnight. They made Ryan wait outside, and this is when I got really nervous, and cold. I remember shaking so hard, and I couldn't figure out if it was my nerves or the temperature of the room. I remember trying so hard not to cry. The doctor wasn't there yet, and they we prepping me for the surgery. The anesthesiologist was giving me medicine and then scratching different parts of my belly and chest to see what I could and couldn't feel. I was nervous because I could feel everything, and I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be numb yet or not. Then he gave me something and told me that I would probably feel very dizzy, and to close my eyes if I did.

That is really the last thing I remember coherently. Then I went into this state, where I didn't really even feel like a person (it was the worst, and I hated it)... I felt like I was just trying to grasp onto something tangible, but couldn't connect with reality. I didn't know the doctor had come in, and I didn't know Ryan was there. The first thing I remember really connecting with reality-wise, was the baby crying. Everything, though, was very blurred, all the sights and sounds were very distant. Then I heard Ryan tell me I was doing such a good job, and I saw him kiss me on the forehead. I started trying to ask questions, and I was calling out Emily's name. I remember Ryan trying to show her to me, but I couldn't see. I kissed her on the forehead. Then as they were wheeling me out of the room, I started to come back, but I still could not visually focus on anything. It was so weird, and I remember that I just kept on saying that.

Well, my mom met us back in the room after that, and she and her husband and Ryan all went down to the nursery to look at her. They were trying to get her temperature up, and they told me that they would be bringing her to me around 3:30. She was born at 12:31 and I never really saw her. Looking back, I am kind of surprised at how well I handled that separation. Maybe it was the drugs...They finally brought her in around 3:45, and I got to see my beautiful baby girl for the first time.

It wasn't weird. In fact, the strange thing was how natural all this has been. I feel like I was made for this. And I am not saying that I know everything or that I do everything right. In fact, I have made a bunch of mistakes already in just these first few weeks of her life. I just feel like being a mom is my calling. Now I just need to lean on and trust in God for the wisdom and the strength to carry this through.

I love my darling Emily.